You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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