I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize