Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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