awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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