i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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