My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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