i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's always time for handjobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
