I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
