saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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