A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
