Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
