naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
