32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
