Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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