yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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