I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
