8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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