you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize