on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
