Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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