everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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