At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
