There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
