The best revenge is premature balding
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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