He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
