I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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