So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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