I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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