Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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