I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
