Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
