Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
