i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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