You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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