Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
