if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
