Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
