Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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