I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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