eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
