omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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