Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
