dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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