His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
