Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
