just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize