And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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