hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
