so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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