He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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