Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
