getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
