I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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