this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
