i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
