omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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