My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
