Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
