Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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