dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
