You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
