I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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