Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize