I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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