I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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