I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
