Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
