we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
