Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
