if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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