Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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