that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
