you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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