There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
