Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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