it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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