it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
