I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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