I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
