I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
