Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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