The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
