He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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