i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize