Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
