She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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