She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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